Nebraska facial plants, but the beer was free

Welcome to the second year of the newsletter, a weekly series from USA TODAY Sports, where yours truly comments and takes a light look at the wonderful plays, the rash decisions, the crazed fans, and the utter absurdity that comes with every college. football on Saturday.

The same applies to last season’s scoring: high marks will only be for the spectacular, and failing marks have no chance of being reversed. Additionally, average tweeters will be blocked and inbox emails to complain will go straight to the trash folder.

That being said, here’s the Week 0 analysis of how the fans, teams, players and coaches fared:

Week 0: Wait, what?

Whoever came up with the title “Week 0” to signify the start of the college football season needs to have their head examined. In this case, it certainly applied to the list of games for fans to choose from. None of the top 25 teams played. Lots of zeros at the end of guaranteed gambling paychecks. Zero shame. Maximum excitement!

After going eight months without football, everything would be considered entertainment at this point. The networks certainly don’t care about the dull slate as they need to fill their airtime with something – hence we have the North West and Nebraska across the pond in Ireland just because, and we have to watch the Huskers melt away again.

The artist formerly known as Week 1: D-

Before we get to the action that took place on Saturday….

Shaming ‘Spygate’

Perhaps the craziest “If you don’t cheat, you don’t try” story of the summer comes from Jacksonville State (Alabama, not Florida) and head coach Rich Rodriguez. (so that’s where he ended up?!?) Week 1 opponent Stephen F. Austin sent a spy to get information on their games.

Supposedly, SFA aides were hiding in the shadows during the Jacksonville Spring Game to learn about RichRod’s offensive schemes. Fast forward a few months, after the Gamecocks changed the names of their games and cues – Rodriguez’s eagle-eyed daughter reportedly spotted a cameraman during a recent practice.

Rodriguez then quickly dispatched his assistant strength coach, a man he says is around 6-foot-7 and 350 pounds, to search the stands for the culprit. Cue Benny Hill’s music. Oh, by the way, Jacksonville State needn’t have worried: they beat their so-called spy opponent 42-17.

On the way to Davidson: incomplete

‘Griddy’s’ latest craze to jump the shark

This one will be short and sweet. Feast your eyes on Clemson head coach Dabo Swinney attempting what looks like the Griddy (a dodgy dance in its own right) earlier this summer. It’s not his fault, someone probably convinced him to do it. Plus, the wardrobe choice he chose to leave the house in doesn’t do him any favors.

Dabo offbeat: F

The solution for no internet? Free beer.

When fans go to football games, having internet access is almost as necessary as spending $10 on a beer. During the first half of the Northwestern-Nebraska match at Aviva Stadium in Dublin, dealers encountered an internet problem, which put down the credit card machines used to withdraw payments.

Instead of doing nothing and leaving all that food and drink wasted because they didn’t take any money, stadium officials went ahead and gave it all away for free, probably fearing that fans destroy the seal if they don’t. Hot dogs, nachos, beer and anything else you can think of were gobbled up by the fans. Luckily, none of these fanbases are known for their drinking prowess, but then again, the concessions ended up running out of beer anyway.

Now imagine what would happen if the machines broke down in an American stadium and fans wondered where they were going to take their next sip of beer?

Unauthorized wallets: A+

dog of the week

(My name is Scooby, go ahead.)

Dog of the Week, a new segment here in the newsletter, will go to the game on the schedule where you wonder why it’s being played, why it’s on TV, why the two teams involved are so appalling and incompetent. Simply, the game that deserves maximum clownery. If readers want to send pictures of their own puppies, go ahead.

Here is mine, named Sutton.

This Week’s Dog: Idaho State at UNLV

The only reason this game was played is the almighty dollar. Idaho State went 1-10 last season and UNLV, armed with the advantage of playing in Las Vegas and an NFL stadium, only outperformed the Bengals in the column. wins in 2021. Idaho State was awarded $350,000 for its eight-hour journey of misery and the 52-21 beating, which is more than enough reason for the dawg pound to shut down the eyes in terms of visibility.

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