New ad suggests drinking Coke will destroy video games and usher in world peace
In 2017, just when we all needed her help most, Kendall Jenner solved the world’s problems by share a Pepsi with a cop, thus ending the need for any further public protest. With that problem resolved, Coke has now arrived to suggest that with a few sugary sodas and the example of a newly pacifist competitive video game player, we might also be on the path to an end to all international conflicts.
The new advertisement, which we imagine is currently leading to global nuclear disarmament and the eradication of borders across the globe, opens up to a huge auditorium filled with mad crowds for a esports tournament based on a we-promised-it-is-not-really-Warcraft battle royale type game. Our hero, “G-W4rr1or”, is shown overwhelmed by the incredibly high stakes of video game competition and, to cool off, reaches a handy mini-fridge to grab a Coke.
The pressure she was under seems well founded since what follows seems to shake not only the world of esports, but also, quite possibly, usher in a new era of eternal peace. Bottom Line: The Taste of Coca-Cola sends G-W4rr1or on a digital journey through her orc character’s birth memories and her saddened view of the horrors of war, which then leads her to, we guess, see at – beyond the futility of the video game battle. His avatar throws down his weapon, helps an opponent off the ground, and the world reacts with incredible shock. No one can believe this shit. How could she have done such a thing?
Streamers and viewers watch the development with a limp jaw. A presenter reports on the event to a group of business people. The chyron says, “We will not fight any more. The dramatic music swells as the world watches G-W4rr1or’s example of how, with mouths properly coated in sugary carbonated syrup, we can end the war once and for all.
The orc and the esports player smile at each other. The moving words “we’re a Coke from each other” appear on the screen.
With a bit of luck, unlike Pepsi, Coke will stick to his dream and refuse to run this ad. This is the only way for us to know peace in the world in our lifetime.
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